Part 1: Enslaved to Surrendered
William / June 17, 2023
At some point in my 30s, I started to realize there was a big problem that I was not able to overcome in my own power. While sin can be fun for a season it has a way of taking more than you bargained for. This article is about my past enslavement and how I surrendered to Jesus! My main point is to show how Jesus can radically change a surrendered life. Maybe someone can identify with my story and realize there is hope.
Alcohol
After having a sheltered, homeschooled upbringing, upon turning 21 I discovered that alcohol was liquid courage. It would allow me to come out of my shell, and dull my conscience allowing me to do what I usually couldn’t. I always professed to be a Christian but demons can blind spiritual eyes. I believed my sins were excusable and that I could have the best of both worlds. The Bible calls this double-mindedness. I was enslaved to sin, so even if I wanted to I couldn’t stop. My 20s were a blur of alcohol, weed, and promiscuity while l lived away from my home city. I can’t express enough how damaging alcohol can be. Proverbs 20:1 indicates that it can prevent you from being wise. Even if I only drank once a week, it still had a way of impairing my cognitive abilities and freezing me in my tracks. It prevents you from growing and advancing in life.
Demonization
I should note here that I’m not referring to inner demons, my dark side, or anything like that. These are literal demons that infest our world and can attach themselves to people. There are spiritual principles that can give demons legal rights over humans. They can then torment, oppress, control, deceive and destroy. This is not demon possession like you would see in a Hollywood movie. A Christian sealed and owned by the Holy Spirit cannot be “possessed” by a demon. However, a Christian can be saved, on their way to heaven, have the Holy Spirit, and still be demonized.
I was saved around 10 years old but severely demonized because of a generational curse. Though I always had a tender conscience growing up, these demons would always lead me straight to pornography. If it was anywhere nearby, I would always find it and that was very strange. The demons would also keep me from advancing in my spiritual life. They knew my weaknesses. As soon as I would start making progress, then a trap would be laid for me.
Moving Back Home: Take 1
When I finally moved back home with my parents after my prodigal experience in another city, I finally started progressively to make some changes. This stability along with finding a corporate job allowed me to climb out of the hole and move out of my parent’s house. This was exciting at the time because I could now engage my vices more freely. I moved into a party house with several roommates and then proceeded to drink heavily every night and then drag myself into an office to fight a hangover all day.
Moving Back Home: Take 2
This lasted a couple of years but finally hit a wall and I moved back with my parents for the second time. Doing this allowed me to have some stability again for a period and pull together all the broken pieces. Then as things normalized, I would slip back into old habits and begin to make plans to move out. I had just reached a point with money where I felt comfortable moving out. I then got a DUI, which was traumatic for many reasons. Thankfully, this put my plans to move out on hold. The experience started a process of desiring to make a positive change in my life. I set out to do that in my own strength.
I finished the legal process of the DUI, regained my savings, and moved out again. This time I incorporated more weed into the scenario to minimize the alcohol, my idea of a clever and effective plan. This entire time I continued to work in an office environment, many times going to work high as a kite. I started attending church, AA, therapy, and Christian counseling. Anything I could think of to break my chains in my own strength. These methods helped marginally but were in no way able to set me free. I needed to be surrendered to Jesus.
Moving Back Home: Take 3
One day the house of cards fell and I was fired from the corporate job. This was a very key moment in my life. From the day I was fired, God took me through a 7-year process (to the day). That job was everything to me. I had been slaving over finishing a bachelor’s degree. I believed education was the key to moving up, happiness, and freedom. It was now over and I was left devastated and confused. Interestingly, I had always known I would be fired from that job and even knew the words that would be spoken by HR. What a blessing in disguise to be freed from that job. The toxic building was infested with demons and filled with clueless, trapped workers who had been slowly entrapped and institutionalized.
After severe depression for weeks, I packed everything up and drove to California to stay with a friend for a few weeks. The money ran out and I came back home and moved in with my parents for the third and final time. I was still severely depressed. No matter how hard I tried I could not get hired back into the corporate world. God had other plans for me and knew this would distract me from the path He was creating.
Almost Rock Bottom
The year following being fired was the most painful experience of my life. Every night I would sit in my little room in my parent’s house drinking and playing video games. I would pray that God would just mercifully take me out of this world. I would think constantly about the most painless way to exit this world. It seemed my life was over and there was no purpose for me in the future. I finally had to humble myself and get a job driving a forklift. It turned out to be a much better job than the corporate one. I made more money, had better benefits, a better quality of life, and better co-workers.
While working at this job I was able to finish my bachelor’s degree. I moved back out into my own place for the final time and stopped the substances. It was a great deal of effort to get to that point. It took several years of trying, failing, and trying again. I was finally able to clear my head, which paved the way to being fully surrendered to Jesus.
Humbled
The forklift job started to crumble because of my unstable personality and demonization. I began to have issues with co-workers and managers to the point where I had to leave. I was such a tormented individual that things could never go smoothly for a period. Something always had to blow up and my trickster demons enjoyed ruining everything. In my confused mind, I also thought that if I left the job, this would allow me to date a coworker. I quit hoping this would bring me together with her, but it didn’t work. This was also a blessing in disguise. I’m so grateful God didn't give me what I wanted and begged for. I found myself at another job driving a forklift. This was much less money, I had to drive further, and no girl.